My first Assessment after a couple of years.

Well, here I am doing my duties. :)

Drawing from your observation notes and sentences from Journal Writing Assignments 1 and 2, write a description of the scene you have observed. Use action verbs and active voice in your sentences. Also, keep your verbs in the same tense and maintain correct subject-verb agreement. Your description should consist of 8 or more sentences. 

(1) Yesterday, I went to the bank. (2)The first thing I did was to pick my turn from the machine. (3) On my way to the line, (4) my cellphone rang so loudly that (5) I just turned it off to avoid any disturbance. (6) After that embarrassing moment, (7) the girl next to me started talking with his boyfriend a bunch of silly things that (8) I preferred to took a magazine and (9) read it carefully in order to stop listening their conversation.

(10) After 15 minutes of too much patient, (11) my wait in the line was over and (12)I moved straight right to the cashier. (13) I made one deposit and (14)the cashier gave me a big smile.

What u think?